Lord of War

Reviewed by Jeff Jacoby
October 13, 2005

Director: Andrew Niccol Studio: Lions Gate Films MPAA: R Review Rating: 4 out of 10

Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage) and Vitaly Orlov (Jared Leto), two brother-in-arms (literally and figuratively), decide they hate their lives as server and cook at a Ukrainian food restaurant in New York (owned by their immigrant parents). So what do two kids of Russian immigrants do to make their lives fun and exciting? They become international gun smugglers.

Set during the mayhem created by the cold-war and subsequently the post cold-war, the film tries to shock viewers with scenes of African genocide, corrupt eastern European generals willing to sell their AK-47s, and implied permanent U.N. Security Council member consent.

Yuri and Vitaly further attempt to shock viewers by initially showing indifference to the consequences of their actions and inactions. Sometime during the run time of approximately 122 minutes, both characters try to rehabilitate themselves and do the right thing. One brother ends up dead and the other arrested by Interpol Agent Jack Valentine (Ethan Hawke). Needless to say, the actors fail miserably on both counts.

The plot is predictable, unimaginative, and illogical. Example: Yuri becomes a brilliant gun smuggler that always has an answer for every action taken against him. All attempts by international organizations to capture him fall flat. But at the end of the movie, the writer expects the audience to believe he is not cunning enough to notice his wife following him to the local (Read: 5 minute drive from his New York home) stash of weapons and other incriminating evidence. It's not over yet… the writer has International Police follow her and arrest him shortly thereafter.

The dialogue gives the actors very little to work with. Example: In the middle of a meeting between Yuri and a rival gun smuggler at a European restaurant, a waitress walks up to Yuri and asks if he is a gun smuggler. Yuri responds by saying that if she goes up to his room, he will gladly show her his “cannon”. Uh?!

This movie should have been called Lord of Crap. It is a crude political statement movie that does very little to entertain the viewer.

I left the theatre wanting a refund for my ticket, popcorn, soda and candy. I can't find a single redeeming quality in this movie. Good luck to anyone that tries.